Every month, author Kristina Grish contemplates the sweet, surprising, and often confusing world of marriage.
Last spring, I popped into Old Navy to buy flip-flops…and left with matching sweatpants for me and my husband, Scott. Treating us to some cozy gear seemed like the perfect excuse to curl up for a few more Netflix-marathon weekends.
We loved our sweats: The fuzzy fabric was ideal for snuggling,tiffany earrings, the drawstring waist didn’t cut into our bellies after a late-night snack, and the dark gray color hid stains so well, we rarely had to wash them. We pulled them on the second we got home from work or woke up on weekends. It took a while for me to realize those relaxing upsides could have an ugly downside.
Bottoming Out
A month into this routine, Scott bought us movie tickets,tiffany bracelets, but when I got off the sofa to change, he asked, "Can I get away with wearing these pants?" I paused before saying no. That’s when it hit me: We were becoming slobs. Even worse, we’d barely had sex since I pulled those sweats out of the bag.
"Your sweats became a sign of complacency, and studies tell us that when couples become too comfortable and familiar, they lose some of their sexual energy toward each other," says Scott Haltzman, MD, coauthor of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. Dr. Haltzman calls sweats the anti-lingerie, because there’s nothing mysterious or gender-specific about them. He insists that even if we aren’t in the mood for the wild sex that lingerie — with its straps and clasps — invites, Scott and I should still make quiet time seductive by rousing each other’s senses. The moves could be small, like using the lavender soap that turns him on or leisurely stroking each other’s bodies as we read in bed. But they’re crucial to ensuring that we view each other as sexual beings.
Laid-Back…but Still Laid
So how do we tell if our relationship has gotten too mellow? "Check in with yourself: Has sex become a chore or an afterthought? Would you rather shop or eat together than be intimate?" says Melodie Schaefer, executive director of the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Counseling Centers in Los Angeles. "If so,tiffany necklaces, you need to readjust your habits to restore the excitement." That means nixing the Netflix marathons in favor of parties, surf lessons, make-out sessions in the park, and anything else that pushes us out of our comfort zones.
After Scott asked to wear his sweats on our date, I freaked out and trashed both pairs. Then I bought myself a baby-doll slip and leggings to wear while hanging out around the house (Scott now sticks to jeans). All are subtly sexy,tiffany pendants, which makes us feel cozy and randy — probably the best combo of all.
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